Every now and then in life, we are put into positions where we must stand up for ourselves. Whether telling your estranged felon stalker wife to back up and leave you alone or reclaiming your lean-infused snow cone turf from a rival snow cone cart operation, we all have to stick up for ourselves at some point. Okay maybe these aren’t the most relatable examples—for some of us, sticking up for ourselves is more like asking for an actually full spoon of meat at Chipotle—but hey, it’s just another episode of WTF Baron Davis.
The episode opens with Cousin Whopper bursting into Baron’s home in a fury, explaining that a Mexican snow cone vendor has moved in on his corner, stealing his idea and his clientele. When no one offers to join him in exacting revenge, an unsuspecting Kenny volunteers for the job, setting him on a path of glory, redemption, and suppressed patricidal rage.
Bdot’s possessive stalker ex-wife, fresh from a prison stint, shows up at Baron’s to reclaim Bdot. (YEP BDOT HAS BEEN SECRETLY MARRIED THIS WHOLE TIME). Baron decides this is the perfect time to teach Bdot lesson 214 (“communication”) by letting Lucia into the house whereupon she chases Bdot, forcing the poor man to barricade himself in the bathroom. But not even a door will keep Lucia out. After smashing one of Baron’s vases to show she means business, she uses one of Baron’s awards to bash the bathroom door in, “Here’s Johnny”-style.
Meanwhile, Whopper has rolled up to his corner with Kenny in tow to stake out the new snow cone vendor. Whopper then drops some of the most important advice Kenny will ever hear: “Protect your booty.” The advice is so profound, Kenny has a flashback to his father (Flavor Flav is back!!) greedily demanding all of Kenny’s hard-earned fortune.
When a bat-wielding Whopper and Kenny confront the vendor, Kenny flies into a rage, taking Whopper’s bat and smashing up the cart and the vendor. As the saying goes, “Stir up a hornet’s nest, no telling who gon’ get stung.”
Having successfully reclaimed Whoppers turf, the two return to Baron’s house only to find Lucia about to crack Brandon’s head open with the trophy, when something truly magical happens.
Whopper not only talks Lucia down but convinces her to join him in chilling out, talking things over, and “giving our lives over to the Lord.” The two leave hand in hand to the shock of everyone. Now that’s what we call a whopper of an ending.
Who took Ws:
Whopper: He won a turf war and scored a new girl
Lucia: She found love in a hopeless place (Baron’s home)
Who took Ls:
The Mexican vendor: Sorry bro.
Baron’s bathroom door: Damn.