February 11, 2019

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Baron Davis Recap Episode 5: Getting Medieval Up in Here

They say you should never meet your heroes. That coming face to face with the talented, successful, and seemingly wise people we look up to and put on pedestals will only ever disappoint us with the fact that they’re merely human and also the strong possibility that they’re kind of dicks. I mean, this may or may not be the premise of WTF Baron Davis, but it’s definitely exactly what Bdot goes through in the fifth episode this past Sunday.

At the top of the episode, Cousin Whopper arrives at Baron’s doorstep in the middle of the night, hat in hand, to ask if he can crash after being kicked out by both his girlfriends. Baron begrudgingly allows Whopper to crash, albeit in his garage, something he will come to regret.

The next day, in an inspired move, Bdot finally emancipates himself from the burden of being Baron’s mentee/errand boy, announcing that he has found himself a new “more relevant, more respected NBA player” as a mentor: none other than Nick Young. That’s right. Swaggy P is in the house. Or should we say, Swaggy P is in the castle. A renewed and hopeful Bdot arrives at Nick Young’s place only to find that the baller not only lives in a castle, but he dresses and acts like a medieval warlord. He sips tea, sports a fur-lined cape, demands important-sounding music be played at all times, and is in general completely off his rocker. 

It soon becomes clear that Swaggy P is not so much interested in Bdot or his Ball Out fragrance as he is in Bdot’s social presence and followers. Nick hurriedly and offhandedly promises to invest in Ball Out (with a beyond sketchy cryptocurrency) before forcing him to partake in some medieval torture involving a crossbow on Facebook Live in an attempt to gain followers. 

Back at BD HQ, Baron is getting restless without Bdot, itching to mentor just about anyone, even the unmentorable Ron. Meanwhile, Cousin Whopper’s behavior gets real suspicious: he’s cribbing stacks of corndogs from Baron’s freezer, he’s locking himself into various dark bedrooms with dancehall music blasting, and random scantily-clad men are loitering in the kitchen. But before Baron can investigate, Zoe shows him the live video of Swaggy P attempting to shoot an apple off Bdot’s head with the aforementioned crossbow. 

Baron heads over to the castle and saves Bdot from being impaled by an arrow just in the nick of time. He talks some sense into Young—along the lines of, “You look like a medieval Timon and Pumba”—deescalates the situation, and manages to bring Bdot back to his camp as a mentee once again, restoring some kind of order.

Baron and Bdot return to Baron’s house only to find that not only has Cousin Whopper not been grieving the loss of his two girlfriends, but he’s been running a covert male strip club in Baron’s garage, servicing Baron’s middle-aged suburban mom neighbors. If only Baron had mentored Cousin Whopper.

Who took Ws: 

Nick Young for that lion fur-lined cape

Cousin Whopper for truly earning his keep

Who took Ls: 

Who else? Bdot.

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