FUSE TV - Your Dirty Porn Reading Habits are Boosting Classical Music Sales

"Kiss me, damn it! I implore him, but I can't move. I'm paralyzed with a strange, unfamiliar need, completely captivated by him. I'm staring at Christian Grey's mouth, mesmerized, and he's looking down at me, his gaze hooded, his eyes darkening."

If you are female or have been on a New York subway in the past six months, you will shamefully recognize the above passage from Twilight fan fiction writer-turned-person richer than you E.L. James' bondage-porn bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey. But while you squirm in your chair, imagining gyrating, bulbous man parts gently caressing your quivering, writhing mass (see how easy it is!), take comfort in the fact that you're boosting classical music sales.

According to the Telegraph, British vocal ensemble the Tallis Scholars' version of  "Spem in alium," a 1570 choral piece mentioned in the book, exploded to No. 7 on the UK Classical Singles Chart this week, its highest position after weeks of steadily thrusting up the chart. 

"I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey but I am most grateful to the author for introducing so many new listeners to the musical sensation that is Thomas Tallis's 'Spem in alium,'" Peter Phillips, founder and director of the Tallis Scholars, said, presumably in a deep, Barry White voice.

Noted erotica site Huffington Post points out a select, grammatically suspect, passage mentioning the piece: "Sightless as she blindfolded, immobile as she chained to a bed, and deaf to the outside world as she wears earphones with 'Spem in alium' blasting in her ears. She repeatedly comments of the rapture of the choral music which rivals the raptures of the flesh in this scene."

Okay, then.

While we continue to rock "Feelin' on Yo Booty," all you perverted bookworms can go listen to "Spem in alium" below and enjoy your highbrow sex.